He asks what they hope to get to know better on their travels. The answer, in his account of the encounter, is themselves.
A page with something missing
A friend later points the psychologist toward a set of personal questions associated with Marcel Proust, the French novelist. Questions about happiness, character, dying. A conversation that started with a stranger has found its way back to the person asking.
I want to stay with one of them: how would I want to die?
What did the writer say about his own ending?
The French novelist Marcel Proust answered a written question about how he wished to die with a short answer. My own translation of it: as a better person, and loved. The University of Illinois library publishes his answers. I read that as a wish with room for a whole life inside it.
Why does his reply about happiness matter?
On a list of personal questions, the French novelist Marcel Proust held back his dream of happiness. He worried it was not lofty enough, and that saying it would destroy it. That is the part that catches me: having a wish, then judging whether it deserves to be heard.
With nobody listening
Imagine giving your answer to a room full of people. Then imagine standing in front of a mirror, alone, with the same sentence still in your mouth.
Would you change a word?
How do I ask myself something this personal?
Try saying aloud how you would want to die, somewhere you have privacy. Let the first answer be plain: with someone beside me, with a difficult conversation behind me, knowing I made time for what I loved. You can stop there long enough to notice which words you want to change.
What if I know the answer but cannot say it?
Write your wish on a sheet of paper you can fold shut. You decide who gets to read it. If a wish feels embarrassing or too ordinary, leave it on the page for now. There is time to consider what it means before deciding whether to act on it.
A folded sheet can hold the answer you are still keeping to yourself.
Give the wish an ordinary day
Suppose your answer is to have someone you love beside you. Picture the two of you now, each looking at a phone, with a whole evening available.
That is somewhere to begin.
What does wanting a peaceful death ask of today?
If you hope to feel at peace when you die, give that wish a familiar setting. Perhaps you want to sit through dinner without checking your phone, or tell someone you miss them. Look for a moment you can actually take part in. Other people's responses remain theirs.
Does an honest answer mean I have to change everything?
An answer about how you want to die is a wish, with consequences you can think through. Wanting more time with someone might lead to a visit. Wanting different work may need months of planning. Let the size of the decision determine the care you give it.
You can want to be loved at the end and make room to love someone this afternoon.
I would start there.
Stay a little longer
This is where I would bring the question into the Last Hour Experience, the guided audio journey through your imagined final hour. I would give it room beyond the first reply: the person beside you, the sentence you almost leave unsaid, the ordinary afternoon you find yourself wanting back. An hour in which you can hear yourself finish.
Questions people ask
Is there one right question to ask before you die?
I would choose how I would want to die because it leaves room for people, unfinished conversations, and the life I hope to have lived. It is a starting point. You may find that a more personal question emerges once you try to answer it.
What if my answer is simply in my sleep?
In my sleep is a complete answer about the circumstances you would prefer. You can leave it there. If you want to explore further, picture the evening before: who you would like to see and what you would want them to know. Keep the details ordinary.
Can I do this without believing in an afterlife?
Yes. The question can stay entirely with the life you have: who matters to you, how you spend your time, and what you want to say. You can include your beliefs if they belong in your answer. You can also leave what comes afterward open.
Should I ask someone else how they want to die?
First ask whether they want that conversation. Offer your own answer if that makes the invitation easier, and let them pass or change the subject. A personal question needs a willing listener on both sides. The other person chooses how much they want to tell you.
Sources
The encounter in Bled, a personal account by René Diekstra, a Dutch psychologist.
The French novelist Marcel Proust's own written answers, published by the University of Illinois library: his wishes about dying and happiness appear in the second questionnaire, a list of questions about his tastes and character.